The Problem Is You

‘You say fuck the world. Fuck relationships. Fuck people. And fuck love, but all you really want is for someone to be there for you.

Someone to actually take the time to listen to what you’ve been feeling.

Someone to help you make sense of it.

You see, maybe the problem isn’t the world, or people, or relationships .

Maybe the problem is YOU.

Maybe you’re building walls too high. Too strong.

Maybe you’re just not letting anyone show you true love.’

– R.M Drake

Well shit.

Loving someone is a fast track to heartbreak, andddd no fucking thank you.

Hard pass for me… until lately.

Lately, I’ve been slowly trying to let my guard down. I’ve been trying to let love back in…going on actual dates without losing my shit is a HUGE step in the right direction for me.

Allowing another person into my headspace takes monumental effort, but I’m trying. It’s terrifying to put what little is left of my heart back on my sleeve, and march my ass forward. Being closed off and indifferent has been my default setting for the last few years because there is safety in isolation.

But.

The safe bet isn’t the best bet for me. Not anymore.

I have so much love in me – I always have. I’ve been holding back on letting another person in, because I’m so scared of getting hurt. What I’m realizing is this, NOT loving people and staying closed off is actually hurting me more. It’s not who I am and certainly not who I believe God created me to be.

Dating, and learning to love and trust another person is not my specialty. I’m not very good at it yet, but I’m getting there… maybe.

Until next time,

-A