Suicidal Tendencies

I’ve had them.

Sometimes I still do.

Websters dictionary defines Suicidal tendencies as this: thoughts, ideas, or rumination’s about the possibility of ending one’s own life.

Life can hurt like a bitch. You’re going along smooth sailing, until you’re not. Out of nowhere you get dealt a shit hand. A sucker punch on a random Sunday night that obliterates every single thing you’ve ever known.

Having thoughts, ideas, or ruminations about the possibility of ending one’s own life.

THE POSSIBILITY.

Possibility does NOT always equate to probability.

Not wanting to live, does not mean wanting to die.

I have absolutely, on multiple occasions, had suicidal tendencies. I am absolutely NOT suicidal. The people closest to me have now learned to decipher the difference between the two. It took a fuck ton of patience and really hard and uncomfortable conversations to get us there though.

Life can hit you out of nowhere and leave you barely holding on. It’s sucks and it hurts. You’d do anything to stop your heart from being ripped right the fuck out of your chest. Including stop your own heart if it meant the pain would stop as well.

Suicide is such a taboo topic. It’s almost like people feel that if they ignore them, the tendencies become obsolete. They don’t. It’s uncomfortable to talk about, I get that. Do you want to know what’s probably more uncomfortable?

A funeral.

Have the uncomfortable conversations, and ask the hard questions. Talk about suicidal tendencies. Talk about suicide. We need to allow the people in our lives a safe space to say,‘ this burden is too heavy and I would rather die than endure one more day trying to carry it,’ without losing our goddamn minds scrambling to change the narrative to make OURSELVES more comfortable with how they carry THIER pain. (See what I did there?:))

Suicidal tendencies are often curbed by simply allowing someone to talk about suicide. As obvious as that seems, not a whole hell of a lot of people grasp that.

Possibly does not equate to probability .

***

If you’re sitting in the valley right now because life has bent you over and made you it’s bitch, please reach out and talk to someone.

Just talk. To a therapist. To God. To a friend…

Things will not always feel this shitty. It gets easier. It does, I promise.

Pain will end.

That doesn’t mean your life has to while you wait. Tomorrow will be better. Keep showing up.

Until next time,

-A