Slip, Fall, Stick

Life is the very worst kind of ride sometimes.

Slip, Fall, Stick

I’ve been avoiding my entire life lately because I’m afraid to say what I need to say.

Slip, Fall, Stick

Nothing new there. I hate having feelings. I’d rather just not. Feelings always, ALWAYS lead to vulnerability and I’m not at all about that life.

Until now.

Slip, Fall, Stick

My mom is dying, my sister needs me. So…

Slip, Fall, Stick.

Vulnerability is physically painful for me. If you can’t make sense of that, lucky you. Please hear me when I write this: watching someone die fucks you up.

I don’t mean the “idea” of how you think someone you love, died. I’m not talking about how you’d picture Grandpa Joe from WILLY WONKA dying at the age of very old, from doing the bare minimum for his entire life.

Death that falls in-line with our perception of time should hurt less, or at least make more sense. Right?

I’m not talking about in order death.

Slip, Fall, Stick

I’m talking about having to watch the life drain out of the eyes of a young, breathing, healthy human being, right the fuck in front of you, while you stand helpless.

Slip, Fall, Stick.

Witnessing my children watch their dad die, was the worst kind of hell for me. I’ve never really recovered from that. I’m pretty confident I never will. (Side Note: if you ever want to do a I HATE YOU MORE, debate with God all you gotta do is pray about how unfair it is to watch your children suffer. He will tell you He’s been there, and you’ll call Him a liar.)

Trauma fucks you up. Bottom line. But, my mom is dying, and my sister needs me. So…

Slip, fall, Stick, STAND.

I’m going to go back to Ohio to say goodbye to the woman who created this fierce warrior. The woman who put the fight in this fighter.

Stay tuned ✌🏻

Until Next Time,

~A

https://open.spotify.com/track/6hgwFbsBPGfqBwynBGLyc5?si=VUv1Dr-KTcaUziRobcgdJA