Widow Me This

I am starting Jiu -Jitsu. I don’t even know how to spell it. That took me too many minutes to figure out just now. For real. Ask any one (of the two people ) I’ve told, I can’t even pronounce it. It’s a mouthful of J’s – all I’m saying. I’ve been kicking mental healths ass for a while now and doing a pretty great job. Might as well learn how to kick physical ass as well… or more likely get my physical ass kicked, but whatever. Do I want to do this? I think so. Will I be good at it? Absolutely yes. Am I scared to venture out…

Last thoughts? Stick to the guys that are kind. Kind guys are a big deal. Safe guys are even better. Take mixed signals as a no. You’re worth more. Putting in all of the emotional legwork for another grown ass adult will break you. As a giver you gotta set pretty firm boundaries. God knows the takers will continue to drain you until you do. Good luck out there 🙃🤡 ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️ What the hell. until next time, ~A **UPDATE** (1/12/2022) Because full transparency is kind of my thing, I feel obligated to write about how this online dating experience has been unfolding for me…it’s going… surprisingly well. In a huge…

‘How do you do it? How are you still so strong after everything you’ve been through?’ I get asked this question a lot. I even ask myself sometimes too. My response? My usual go to answer is, ‘I have to be strong, there isn’t any other choice.’ That’s not actually true though. The reality is, I DO have a choice. I DO have an option, two actually. Give up on life, or … don’t. It’s that simple, right? My youngest child reminds me of this way more than I wish he had to. ‘You have 2 choices mom, but only one of those choices is an option.’ It’s his way…

There is a hell of a lot of fear and anxiety waiting for me when I attempt to navigate life outside of my comfort zone. The ‘what if’s’ can be crippling for me, and I HATE it. I hate the unknown and try to avoid it. Always. Nevertheless, I’m still showing up. A train wreck is messy, but it’s still a train, am I right? 😉 Closing a chapter to start something new is terrifying. What if the next chapter in my proverbial book is worse then the last? What if it’s awful? OR… What if it’s not? What if I fail? OR…What if I don’t? What if everything works…