My Inner What?

If you’ve been to a therapist, heard it from a friend, or spend a second on any type of social media, you hear this phrase, or a variation of it, a lot.

Healing your (theirs, ours, etc…) inner child.

I’ve been actively in my healing girl era (no that’s not just a catchy #hashtag you find on Instagram. It’s a real thing) Doing the work is hard. After many failed relationships…friendships or otherwise, I finally realized something had to change. Life wasn’t getting easier and I was getting hurt way more than one person should. Why? Because I was lost as fuck and was okay begging for someone else to see my value. You know what that allllll stems from? You guessed it, inner childhood shit.

The first thought I had when I heard that phrase? Healing your inner child? ‘That little girl is not helpful to me now, she barely survived back then.’ … and that’s exactly the point. She SURVIVED.. She WAS helpful to me. She kept me safe. She kept me from speaking up when it would hurt me to do so. She kept me in my head when my outside world was spinning out of control. She did her BEST to make sure I made it here. Right now. I’m here because little me, was strong as fuck.

Is it any wonder that she showed up full-force ready to defend me now, when things went sideways and adult me couldn’t navigate the suck? No. Is the suck something adult me needed to figure out for that little girl? Yeah.

So maybe she didn’t have time to enjoy the little things other kids did, like side walk chalk and blowing bubbles. On the rare occasion her little baby self did? She spent it with one eye on her surroundings making sure if the other shoe dropped, she was ready. She was safe. Guess what though? Her back then, is NOT my right now.

So now? Now I’m actively reminding my little self that I’ve got this. I’ve got us. I let her play. I let her laugh. I thank her for getting us this far. I remind her that I am here, because she couldn’t be present back then.

A simple list of things you can do to tap into your inner child work, if you don’t know where to start:

• Blow bubbles
• Sing
• Buy candy in bulk
• Swing on the swings
• Be wrong around the right people (fight or flight was her default setting but it does not have to be yours. Your ‘meant to be circle,’ will be okay when you’re wrong.)
• Walk barefoot in the grass
• Laugh when you think something is funny. Don’t laugh at shit you think isn’t. Period.
• Let yourself take a fucking compliment. You’re amazing… let people tell you that. It’s okay to just say ‘thank you.’
• Stop saying sorry when you’re not. If you’re a dick, own it and apologize. If you’re not? It’s okay to NOT pretend you’re wrong. Keeping the peace is only the mantra of stagnant people. You don’t have to apologize for your existence on this planet.

My first step in weeding through the darkness was healing a child I didn’t even see. I didn’t see her because at some point in her little life, she learned to play small.

Until now.

Until Next Time,

~A

PS. Buckle up for healing your inner teenager though. She’s cranky as fuck and coming at you swinging.