Love language

I’ve always been a little bit (or a lot) ‘different.’ I am quirky, clumsy and messy… so freaking messy. I blurt shit out like a 5 year old that can’t wait until it’s her turn to speak. I can’t send a text message in one shot. I can’t sit and type out the entire message because if I did, by the time I got to my point, I wouldn’t remember what the actual hell I was trying to say. So I rapid fire those bitches before I forget. I talk incredibly fast, for the very same reason. I have so much to say – my thoughts bounce around in my head like a pinball machine, but instead of one ball, there’s like, 12. Sometimes, okay A LOT of times, my mouth just says shit before my brain has time to filter it. It’s like I open my mouth and my words just trip all the way down the proverbial steps. By the time my brain tries to throw out a stop sign for my mouth, it’s too late.

For the most part I am very okay with myself. I know things that I say don’t always come out the way I want them to. I know that there is a time and a place to speak my mind; I don’t adhere to it, but I am aware of the social norms. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be a dick on purpose. It’s just how my brain is wired.

It’s not easy having all of my thoughts bounce around in my head. It never has been. It’s extremely frustrating to know what I WANT to say, but not having the ability to get my mouth on the same page as my brain to articulate what I’m thinking.

So I learned to adapt. Instead of trying to ‘fix’ myself (Because I’m not broken) I found a way to tell people the thoughts in my head, without fighting myself to speak the words.

Music. Music is my love language.

Yes I know that’s not one of the ‘5’ original Love Languages and I do not care. I feel like there are way more than 5 – did they even consider food as a love language? I feel like that should have been in the top two for sure. How about sleep? Sleep should definitely be on that list. Anyway, My house, my rules and I’m saying that music is a love language.

Music speaks for me, when I can’t find the words. Music tells my story when I can’t.

Music is my love language. Music speaks when I can’t. Music tells you that I love you when I can’t.

If you ever want to know how I’m doing, ask me what songs I have on repeat.

If I send you a song, please listen. I’m trying to tell you something that I can’t find my own words for. I have built a wall around my heart and there are very few people that I allow into my world.

If I send you a song or ask you to listen with me, I am letting you know that a part of me wants to let you in.

Until next time,

~A