Let’s Weigh In

… let’s fucking don’t.

Body weight.

It annoys me that I even have to write about this topic, but what annoys me even more is the ignorance I hear whenever weight comes up in conversation.

Here is a list of the acceptable times that someone should comment on someone else’s body weight:

1) Never.

Sounds easy enough, right?

There is never an appropriate time to comment on someone’s body weight IN EITHER DIRECTION. Let me explain exactly what I mean by that so if any of you reading this still adhere to this kind of conversational garbage you can stop, please.

I am very open with people about the impact trauma has made on my life both mentally and physically. Struggling silently is a dangerous game that I refuse to play. Sometimes that means writing shit about myself that I would rather not. Things in my life have been unusually hard lately and I cannot eat. I just can’t. When I do, it just comes right back up. You’re welcome for the visual. I have lost 41lbs since March. I have the right tools in place to figure it out, and the people closest to me jumping in when I need support. I write about what I’m living because I promised I always would.

With that being said, let me deep dive into all things trauma induced, weight fluctuation related so that some of you who don’t know any better will take pause the next time shit like this comes into your daily conversations.

Sadly, we live in a world where the physicality of your body determines how well you’ve got your shit together. Splish Splash that opinion to me is TRASH.

When we lose weight people notice. Their automatic go to response is: ‘Wow you’ve lost weight, you look great!’ Most people politely respond with a ‘Thank You,’ and go about their day. Seems pretty harmless right?

Wrong.

Here’s what you’re NOT hearing from the person on the other side of that exchange. Here is what could really be behind their: Thank you:

Thank you, it’s the crippling depression. I am trying to find my will to live and nothing tastes good.

Thank you, my life is out of control so I’ve been starving myself to gain it back.

Thank you, my wife just died and I haven’t been able to stomach anything solid just yet.

Thank you, my parents are getting divorced and my entire world is falling apart and I can’t eat.

Thank you, it’s the chemo.

Thank you, someone called me fat and worthless and I believed them.

Those 👆🏻 are just a few examples. It’s heartbreaking when you realize that’s just the surface. Carrying the weight of other peoples expectations is KILLING us. So is carrying other peoples expectations about our weight. It needs to stop.

Commenting on someone’s weight when they are circling the drain literally shuts them down and makes you an automatic unsafe person in their world. Why? Because you are seeing their rock bottom as their mountaintop. You think they are at the top of their game, when in reality they are struggling just to participate.

You need to eat has been said more times to me in these last few years, then I have ever heard in my lifetime up until then. Like somehow I’ve forgotten the basic functionality of being person. I am fully aware I NEED to eat. Telling me that over and over again does not stop my body from reacting the way it does when I try. It does not change the fact that at this very minute in my life I cannot stomach food. My body keeps the score, and so does yours.

We need to stop using body weight as a gauge for mental wellness. There is a really good chance that the person dropping all of that weight in such a short amount of time is actually going through hell. Please stop commenting. Please just be kind and if you can’t be kind? Be fucking quiet.

‘You’ve lost so much weight, you look great!’

Thanks, it’s the trauma.

Until next time,

-A