I Just Wing It

‘How do you do it? How are you still so strong after everything you’ve been through?’

I get asked this question a lot. I even ask myself sometimes too. My response? My usual go to answer is, ‘I have to be strong, there isn’t any other choice.’

That’s not actually true though. The reality is, I DO have a choice. I DO have an option, two actually. Give up on life, or … don’t. It’s that simple, right? My youngest child reminds me of this way more than I wish he had to. ‘You have 2 choices mom, but only one of those choices is an option.’ It’s his way of reminding me to keep moving on the days it feels so hard to do so.

Recently, I adopted a puppy. Her name is Lucy and good gracious is she adorable. She is one of the cutest little baby balls of fur I have ever met, but also? She’s a mess. She’s clunky and awkward, intrusive and just an all around tiring, but kick ass good time.

Her and I have a lot in common 🙈🐾🌪

Sometimes it gets super frustrating. She does some really dumb shit. Things that could have absolutely been prevented if she knew any better. If she were born with advanced life survival skills and knew how to ‘dog’ properly from the jump, most of her messy teaching moments could be prevented. However, she wasn’t. None of us are. She has to learn. She has to be shown grace and patience while she is figuring it all out.

I have to remind myself that she is new to all of this. This crazy, overwhelming, super big world is brand new to her. I guess we have that in common too.

None of us come screaming into this world knowing how to be a person. We have to learn as we go. I was learning as I went, but then everything I knew changed. I have to learn to live a life that is brand new to me, and a lot of times I have no damn idea how.

There are very few things along this journey that I won’t talk about. I’ve tried to be super transparent when I write, so that people reading my words will know they can’t screw up their own grieving process.

Grief is not linear. It’s not easy, or outrun-able, and believe me I’ve tried. There isn’t a right or a wrong way to navigate you’re own circle of hell, no matter what people say, or how much judgment their eyes reflect. I’ve noticed this is not a concept people who haven’t lived it, understand. Fair enough.

Some days I am healing and others days I can only manage to cope ( gentle reminder that coping isn’t healing and drinking isn’t therapy (gasp.)) There are a lot of days that I just wing it and try my best just to keep propelling myself forward.

Lucy and I are learning as we go. We are just winging it most days, but at least we are doing it together.

Welcome to the world Lucy ❤️🐾🐶🐾❤️

Until next time,

~A