Closure
“When God closes a door, He opens a window.”
Bullshit. Not for me at least, or so I thought.
The only thing opening a window does for me is make me crawl through it, jump out and try to open the same damn door He closed. I will bang on that bitch until I have no choice but to stop out of sheer exhaustion.
I don’t give up on people. I try to see things from their perspective, even if it destroys me.
At least that’s how I USED to be.
What I’m coming to terms with is this: God closes doors. Facts. The flip? God is opening a window to help me breathe while I wait for another door to open. NOT so I can jump the fuck out and circle back to the very same door that He closed to protect me.
A lot of healing comes in the waiting. He isn’t asking me to find a way out. He is asking me to trust Him enough to sit by the window and breathe while HE works it out. It is ridiculously hard. My success rate is low, but I’m working on it.
Closed doors hurt. Closed doors feel so incredibly unfair sometimes. I’m learning that it hurts far less when I accept what IS, and stop trying to hurdle my ass out the window in search of what WAS.
Sometimes that means giving up on people and letting them go. When their damage surpasses my point of tolerance, the door closes. It’s sucks and it’s painful, but so is the alternative.
People are not doormats and you don’t need closure. We think we do, but the reality is, the closure happens when you stop banging on doors not meant for you.
Stop jumping out of the open window and be still. Let go. Breathe.
Eventually a door is going to open and STAY open. One that is specifically designed to help us understand why every single door before that one, slammed shut. I think so at least? I haven’t experienced it first hand yet, but I trust God enough to know that the beauty from ashes He promised, is a real thing.
Wait for it. Take a breath. We are being held when it hurts. We are being loved even when we feel unlovable. Trust in the one who knows the outcome.
That’s all the closure we need.
Until next time,
~A
