If I’m the queen of anything, I’m the queen of fear. I’m literally scared all of the fucking time. Scared to speak, scared to win, scared to live, and so mother fucking scared to lose… again. Fear is easy, love is fucking hard. My heart hurts more than usual these days. Fear is easy, love is hard. There is nothing easy about my life. I’ve been dealt the shittiest hand. I miss my life before it was wrecked. Fear is EASY, love is hard. There isn’t a day that goes by that I can wrap my head around any of this. I’ve asked God so many times to give me…

My Mom is not afraid to die. She told me that today. She’s actually excited to meet You. Which is a weird concept to me, but that’s not my point… Hey God? I’m terrified to live in a world that doesn’t have my mom in it. There is nothing I can do to to make this right. Please make sure that if I can’t hold her hand again before she dies, that You will. Please stay close to her and keep watch when I can’t. Hey God? If there were ever a time for me to catch a break, could it please be right now? I’ve made peace with every…