… I don’t understand. Even If … it hurts like fucking hell. Even If … I have to let go and say goodbye to the man who was the very best father and thought every single one of our fabulous 5 hung the moon. The same 5 that kept their mom above water when he died. Even If … I have to watch our children grow up to be the most kick ass adults that we always prayed they would become, alone. Even If … I feel like the wrong parent died. Even If … Not one Goddamn thing makes any sense in my world anymore. God apparently has a…

September is … hard for me. The worst actually. September is the month that blends my ‘before’ naivety with my ‘after’ reality check. It’s the month that I am simultaneously at my weakest and at my strongest. September represents death in my world, … but also life. It’s the month that brought me to my knees, …but also forced me to stand on my own two feet. September was the month I wanted to die, … but also at the same time, when I so desperately fought to live. Some days in September, I still want to give up. Some days hurt. Some days will absolutely bring you to your…