Last week I had to get my recertification for CPR. I’ve been solidly certified in CPR since the age of 12, when it was a requirement for me to get my first babysitting job. The importance of it was not lost on me, so every 2 years I made sure to renew my certification. In case of an emergency, I WAS READY. Until I wasn’t. You know when you are on an airplane and you’re seated by the emergency exit, and they ask you if you will be ready and able to open that door and guide people to safety? In your head you absolutely know you’ll be the star…

There has been, and continues to be a lot of mental gymnastics going on in my head when I take the time to deep dive into the events of the days right after Justin’s aneurysm. Very few people are privy to those emotions because for the most part, they are baseless pieces of self inflicted guilt that I pile on myself to try and make all of this make sense. Like if I replay the events of those 10 days over and over in my head, I can come up with a way that I could have changed the outcome. That I could find fault in the decisions I made,…